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Sunday, November 30, 2008 8:42 pm
whn you say nth at all. listen, ♥ there are times in our lives whn we have to learn hw to let go. i wanna spend money! i wanna go on a shopping spree! i want, i want, i want! :D i wanna go out with dearr before she goes to malaysia. she's leaving me all alone in singapore. ): i've gt so much of CRAVINGS! :D i have nth to blog abt. i'm BORED! i think i'm going to sch tmr. (: like yayness, i can finally train. (: kerby will be bringing nanny to the doctor's. so i have the priviledge to go for trng. YAYNESS! :D thank you kerby, iloveyou. :D oh i'm bored. i want MAN UTD to win their match. (: hohohozxzxzx. okayy. i wanna chat with dearr and jieren. :D GOODBYE! :D 6 MORE DAYS VODA! :D WE'LL WALK IN THE LIGHT. i'll rather hurt you thn mislead you with a lie. Love, MARTHA! :D i think you dun even understand what i'm trying to put across. i really dun wanna lie to you any longer. you're nt the one i want or need. i'm nt the one you wanna embrace or call forever. i guess i was a lie right frm the begining. but i've always treated you as a great great friend and it'll be this for now and forever. friends ALWAYS!
Saturday, November 29, 2008 8:48 pm
love really seems like an excuse to get hurt listen, ♥ even whn the stars are bright. hello there. :D its such a bad day for me. i think i'm jinx. ): farked up (day x life) = disaster. woke up super early considering the time i slept. damn, its like i have to? danggggg. ): okayyyyyy. i did the hsewrk and all that stuff. while i was hanging the freaking clothes, the phone kept ringing. i was super pissed because its early in the morning and i'm freaking doing the hsewrk! i answered the phone and mummy was screaming nanny fell and asked me to go to the doctor's to get a number. i rushed down to the family doctor and asked for a number. freaking hell, its like 10 more people before us but because nanny just did an operation on her hand, james asked the nurse to let us in first and they allowed us to do so. dr ong cleaned nanny's wound and redressed it. giving her a new bandage. the one the hospital was too tight and nanny's hand couldnt breathe. wth, hospital cannot even do a freaking good job? thank goodness the stitches didnt tear. PRAISE THE LORD! :D okayyyy. nanny rushed down despite feeling giddy and all. we didnt wanna say much alrdy. its a good thing nanny's alright. (: i didnt msg silly the whole day. )x hohohozxzxzx. he had something on anyway. i didnt get to see him as well. ): i freaking feel fat and bloated nw, i wish i could explode. my legs are breaking and i freaking regret wearing my heels. ROFL! :D oh my gwad, my contact lense freaking tore into 2. like wtf? just as i wanted to use it and wth did it break all of a sudden. i really wonder. like wtf? i left home wearing my lense only on one side. oh my gwad, i felt so uncomfortable, i wanted to take my lense off and just walk walk walk. ROFL! :D so i went to aunty pauline's shop aft church, with des sweetheart. (: fel sweetheart didnt go to church today. ): its alright. good luck for your exams and see you nxt week. (: i gt nth to blog abt. i think today's the worse day of my life. bad things do come in threes. ): alrighties, i'm dying of boredom. need to make a new pair of lense. ROAR! waste money. & & &, i'm still sorry for what i have done. i shouldnt have misled you. i'm sorry. ): i still love you. :D alrighties, goodbye & thank you for reading. VODA! :D 1 more week. (: shall start counting down. :D 7 DAYS! :D kerby's coming hm tonight. YAY! :D urgh, i wanna go OUT! but i carnt do so just yet. ): i shall persevere and WAIT. my time will come. (: bad habits die hard. ILOVEYOUNANNY! :D GET WELL SOON! (: TO HOLD YOU AND TO KEEP YOU BY MY SIDE. you're my dreams, you'll take me there. Love, MARTHA! :D cause we're leaving the past as history and moving on with life. will you still love me, tmr? is your affection towards me just temporary or are you ready to melt into my life?
12:39 am
man utd! listen, ♥ when it all falls apart. i'm drooling ovr man utd stuff. oh my gwad, i want them, i want them! CHRISTMAS IS COMING! :D -hint hint- ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU. make me wishes and dreams come true. Love, MARTHA! :D if you get there before i do, dun give up on me. i'm glad everything is working out once again. still, i'm sorry for what i have done. aft all, you're still my forever. (:
Friday, November 28, 2008 11:29 pm
sorry listen, ♥ i'm sorry i've hurt you this much. it was nvr my intention to hurt you. i didnt think my way of communication would leave you in a pool of doubt. and i nvr expected things to go wrong, let alone you thinking of the wrong things. i'm sorry to hurt you in the process. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i dunno what to say other thn sorry. i knw it wouldn't help at all. it was my fault right frm the begining. i shouldn't have let you fallen too deep. i shld have stopped whn i think that things were going ovrboard. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm really really really sorry. ): i nvr want to hurt you let alone make you sadd. i'm sorry for all the pain that i've caused. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. i carnt think of anything but to say "i'm sorry". would you forgive me? i beg for your forgiveness even if you think its okay. i feel bad. i think i owe you tooooo much to even count for the hurt i've inflicted on you. i'm sorry, i really am. dun make me guilty please. just spare me the agony. i nvr expected you to react this way either. i'm as hurt as you are and i'm trying to be reasonable. can you cool it and hear me speak my mind before you go bersek? you're driving me crazy alrdy. ): dun push me any longer please. i'm still trying to hold on. I'M SORRY! ):
4:26 pm
love me listen, ♥ Tittle: Love Me Artist: Collin Raye Verse 1: I read a note my Grandma wrote Back in 1923 Grandpa kept it in his coat And he showed it once to me He said Boy you might not understand, but a long long time ago Grandma's daddy didn't like me none But I loved your Grandma so We had this crazy plan to meet And run away together Get married in the first town we came to and live forever But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead I found this letter And this is what it said: Chorus: If you get there before I do Don't give up on me I'll meet you when my chores are through I don't know how long I'll be But i'm not gonna let you down Darling wait and see And between now and then Until I see you again I'll be loving you . . . Love me Verse 2: I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away In the doorway of a church Where me and Grandpa stopped to pray I know I've never seen him cry In all my fifteen years But as he said these words to her His eyes filled up with tears Chorus: If you get there before I do Don't give up on me I'll meet you when my chores are through I don't know how long I'll be But i'm not gonna let you down Darling wait and see And between now and then Until I see you again I'll be loving you . . . Love me Breakdown: And between now and then Until I see you again I'll be loving you . . . Love me i'm sorry for being so insensitive. i nvr knew that my way of communication would affect you this much. i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. JIEREN, you're such an ASS! :D I SWEAR! i tried but everything seems to be faltering. i think i suck. ): i'm a failure in all that i do. ): I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY. ):
3:04 pm
tmr might be better listen, ♥ memories all forgotten. hello there. silly is bck. (: well, he came bck this morning at 5am. & he told me he was coming bck ytd. ROFL! :D he msged me at 7am in the morning? i wanted to complain but its been ages since i last spoke to him. hahaha. (x i slept at arnd 2am again. 5hrs of sleep and i'm awake. hohohozxzxzx. what a week for me! with so many things on hand, i really wish myself dead. ): i hate it whn you dun get your facts right. i hate it whn you smirk. i hate it, i hate it! oh oh oh, voda was online earlier on. chat with her a lil and oh my gwad, less thn 10days but i dun wanna wait any longer! IMISSYOUVODA! ILOVEYOUMORE! :D trng! i really wanna go bck to sch for trng. theres so many things i wanna do but i dun have time nor do i wanna put in the effort. ): i hate myself. ): i think i'm such a disappointment. ): tuition in the evening ltr. gab gab gab. i'm really tired. ): exhausted frm only 5hrs of sleep. i feel like killing myself. ): i'm soooooo sick and tired of everything. i dunno what to think of or how to feel towards things. ): i'm damn sadd and depressed. i think i've gt no life. ): sweethearts tmr! :D yayness! (: might see silly too. :D wheeeeeeeeeee. hahahhahaha. (x i'm sooooooo bored and i seriously hate the fact that blogger is screwing up on me. i hate my photobucket tooooo. fark those things.): i dun feel myself at all. ): i feel so down and reluctant. tuition once again, TMR! i'm sick of holding onto so many things alrdy. i'm afraid of losing it all. ): would i eventually lose you as friends? what would my life be without you people? ): ROAR! i really wanna get bck on track. i wanna be able to connect with everyone. i wanna be myself once again. i'm begining to lose myself and soon, everyone and everything. i'm holding onto what's left. i'm still holding on. its your choice to love me or to lose me. it was nvr mine to even begin with. and whn the memories are gone, so is the soul. i'm begining to lose it all and why am i nt surprise that i would lose everything in a flash. I HATE LIFE! most of all, I HATE MYSELF! ): IN ALL MY TEMPTATIONS. its no longer the same. Love, MARTHA! :D with you arnd, things might get better or turn out to be worse. i havent made my choice and i carnt do so at all. ): i sense myself losing it all. i dun wanna feel this way neither do i wanna hurt this way. complete me and make me whole again, would you?
Thursday, November 27, 2008 11:11 pm
whn nth seems right, take control. listen, ♥ would you still love me tmr? hello there. (: i'm bored, yes very very very. i woke up super early today morning cause of a last min change of plan for tuition. drats, i wanted to smack the small boy's face but he was too cute for me to do so. haha. (x okayyyyy. the day passed in a flash. seems like it i mean. woke up at 10am this morning. its early considering that i slept at 2am almost 3? yeahh. i was cursing and swearing but i'm paid to do the job. so i dragged myself out of bed reluctantly. i rushed through everything and left for kun's hse. the small boy's called kun. ROFL! :D yes, i went ovr to his hse, late. (x hohohozxzxzx. time seem to pass so slowly thn and there. i was getting bored but i had to stay still through out. i almost died. (x walked hm aft tuition cause kun stayed at bbukit batok. same block as yaosheng. ROFL! :D okayyyyyyy. i went home to do the hsewrk. i'm like a maid. ): i feel so sadd and depressed but its alright. (: for nanny. (: ILOVEYOUNANNY! :D i did the hsewrk and thn used the lappy for a while before i decided to take a nap. i chat with dearr for a lil while but i didnt even nap. hahahaha. instead, i took out the photo printer and started printing pics. (: some prom pics though. haha. (x i love the pics. :D it turned out awesome. aft completing, it was alrdy almost 430pm. i have to leave hm at 5pm for tuition. so i kept everything and slacked a lil before i continued to finish the remaining hsewrk before i left for tuition. left hm at 515pm? yeahh, took 176 to jurong east before changing to 198. i guess i was praying i see someone but obviously i ended up disappointed. its alright. (: i reached a lil tooooo early so i decided to play with choo choo. she's nt as bad as anyone thinks she is. she just wants attention just like any other dogs. its sadd to see her the way she is. ): okay, i kinda love choo choo. (x maybe out of pity, but she's lovable in a way but she behaves like a pigg. ROFL! :D gab came aft jen left i think. haha. (x didnt really teach him so there'll be another lesson tmr. awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, i feel so depressed and upset. i dunno why. ): maybe because i'm petty and havent fully gotten ovr it. i feel so idiotic. i feel like smacking myself. ROAR! i really seem to hate myself somehow. i really need to start reading up for ss, if nt i wun be able to teach gab well. i wanna teach him well, i want him to succeed. just like i want kun to succeed. argh, sometimes i carnt help but hate myself. for pushing my expectations in life so high. i really wanna go bck to sch for trng. ): i miss mr tham. i miss trng. ): i miss the times i use to spend in sch. haha. (x spastic, i knw. i have to stay hm and be maid tmr AGAIN. ): it'll be worth it, i guess. oh my gwad, i just realise i have red eyes in every pic i take. (x maybe the word "EVIL" is carved on my forehead. ): aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh! i feel stupid and damn retarded. i hate myself! i think i really need to go out and relax. dearr, plann another outing please. i'm dying soon. ): moreovr, i miss you. ): awwwwwwwwwww. ): silly shld be hm by nw. he didnt msg me. ): dun love you anymore. )x hahaha. i was kidding. (x i gt nth much to say actually. turning in soon. i'm really tired. maybe it'll be a good idea to turn in early so that i wun think too much and start being suicidal. (x okayyyyyyyyy. GOODBYE! :D WHEN YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE. for you a thousand times ovr. Love, MARTHA! :D i wish i could convey the msg to you. i wanna tell you hw much you mean to me. i wanna hold you in my arms tonight. i wanna make you mine. i wish i could make this right. i hope things would turn out right but who am i to decide on such? it takes two hands to clap doesnt it? i'm tempted to love, i'm tempted to tell you hw much i think iloveyou. i wish you would take the first step. i wish i can walk forever with you but all these are my point of view. do i mean a thing to you? do i matter to you? have i made an impact in your life? would you love me like never before? can you take my hand and walk through forever with me? & i never seem to get the answer. ):
2:43 pm
narimah listen, ♥ awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, hw sweet is my girl? ILOVEYOUTOO, NARIMAH DEAR! (: xoxo, MARTHA! :D
Wednesday, November 26, 2008 10:49 pm
fark listen, ♥ for a moment, i feel like i've lost everything. ): i feel so worthless, so lifeless. i knw i must learn hw to solve my own problems and nt rely on others for support. but i'm like any other people, vulnerable yet appearing strong. i hate myself. i hate reality. i dun wanna continue with the saga. its nt my fault so dun freaking expect me to apologize. say whatever you want abt me. it doesnt matter anymore. i'm alrdy hurting inside. i'm alrdy feeling farked up. you mean so much to me and i was just trying to be nice. i guess i shouldnt even have tried. so much for trying to be nice, i get this kind of treatment in return. FARK LIFE! FARK EVERYTHING! i'm washing my hands off this shit alrdy! i dun wanna bother, i dun wanna care! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I HATE EVERYTHING!
6:39 pm
cause all is nt lost listen, ♥ our secret moments. HELLO! :D we're bck frm the hospital and everything's fine. (: nanny's hand op is a success and whn they took her in, i was freaking out. praying that everything would be alright. aft all,she's my beloved and nth in this world can replace her. even if it is the person i love? so since everything is going fine. i thanked god for all the many blessing he's showered upon me. i thank him for making this minor op a huge success. praise the lord. :D i was browsing through my emails. yes, something which i would nvr do. but oh well i did it and, i read all the things that i've saved ovr the years. oh boy, it does bring bck countless memories. both happy and sadd. sadly, the sadness ovrwhelmed everything. ): and yes, i'm feeling very down now. i'll be fine in a while i guess. (: i'm moving on. (: life seems so inevitable and hard to predict. i might die tmr, its like i'll nvr knw. awwwwwwwwww, i feel so broken inside nw. i think i'm retarded. it seems like i've moved on but in my heart, the scars are still left behind. maybe its my reluctance to let go, maybe its just me, maybe its human nature. i'm lost in thoughts. i seem to be in my own world. i saw the email best friend sent me years ago, whn she was doing fine. whn we shared countless beautiful memories. but now, she's alrdy gone. she's no longer there for me like before and she can never be. you reap what you sow but what have i done to deserve this? i knw i shld let go. i knw i shld think of the positive things but hw am i to do so? your departure has caused me so much hurt and pain. i've lost someone i use to spent everydays with. and without you arnd, i've lost someone who would share my weals and woes. i might be selfish, but your departure has greatly affected me and i've tried to move on but to no avail. i'm still caught in this. i really wanna move on. i really wanna make things right. i really wanna live my own life. i really wanna make do without you. but the fact remains, i'll nvr forget you the way others have. i carnt move on without you. my life revolved arnd you. theres more sadness thn regret in everything. what hurts me most is thn, you didnnt even say goodbye. ): you left me there, all alone in the dark. your departure was a great blow to me. i still miss you and all the things that we've been through. aft all, we shared so many beautiful moments together. even whn you're gone, i'll still live up to my promises. i've gone this far to achieve honours nt for others to crash it but so that you would feel honoured too. i'll share my happiness with you but my sadness will be kept within me. it may be 9mths and 4days since you left but in my heart, you'll always be. i've done my best for o lvls, its nt for me to decide any longer but i will live up to my promises and i'm sure i'll do you proud. best friend, rest in peace. you knw you'll always have a place in my heart. you'll never be forgotten. (: ILOVEYOU! i was going through my mailbox and i read the email voda sent me in april i think. yeahh. i almost cried once again because it was written by her frm the bottom of her heart. what hurt me most was that i bottled my feelings and refused to connect with anyone thn and there. VODA, ILOVEYOU! silly's coming bck tmr. (: kerby's coming bck in 3 days. (: voda's coming bck in 10 days. (: best friend's nvr coming bck again. ): i have to move on with my life. i promise that i would and i would live up to it. i'll move on eventually, i knw i can and i will. for the dead can nvr come bck to life and my love for you will nvr fade away. enough said, before i start bursting into tears and my family wondering why a retard's arnd. i'll end here. TOODLES! (: WHAT WOULD I BE WITHOUT YOU? my desire for you. Love, MARTHA! :D can you make me forget my past and let me live the life i want to? would you hold onto my hand and tell me that you love me? if i die today, will you still remember me tmr and for the years to come? will i leave an impression or would i just fade away eventually? do i happen to mean a thing to you? in all that you do, would i be the one you'll consider first?
11:07 am
the twisted truth at that point of time. listen, ♥ its more thn just love. HELLO! :D yayness, my brains are coming bck. (: i'm nt as brainless as i think i am. (: YAY! :D lappy's slowing down a lil and i'm sadddddd. ): stupid hp! ROAR! thanks for insulting my lappy arhs, kengkai and jieren. how nice of you! hohohozxzxzx. oh oh oh, went out with dearr, jieren and kengkai ytd. it was okayyyy and a lil fun i guess. hahaha. dearr met kengkai at like 12pm? bugis mrt station. i met jieren at 1210pm at jurong east mrt station cause we didnt wanna go ovr so early. sorry i was late. :x lol. we had lunch. thn we went to take neos. oh my gwad, i look like a total retard. its been centuries since i last took neos. dang dang dang. okayy. aft taking neos, it was toooo boring to stay at bugis. we freaking took 15mins plus to decide our nxt destination at the mrt station. dangg dangg dangg. our nxt destination was orchard. we went to plaza sing. sooooo boring we almost died. ROFL! :D thn we walked arnd. we were suspose to walk down all the way to orchard. lol. but i was craving waffles suddenly. hahahaha. i told them i wanted ice cream. :D kengkai second it and the other 2 did so as well. hahahaha. (: yayness, i gt to eat my ice cream. we trained ovr to city hall. hahaha. the worse place for bth kengkai and jieren. we walked ovr to gelare but there was no seats. ): so we went to find a seat at a random spot and sat there. we sat for abt 10mins? yupp, thn as always, i lost the black and white game so i went to see if we had seats. dearr accompanied me. hohohozxzxz. we gt a seat at the front. squeezing a lil initially. thn the girl brought us in to a bigger table. (: hahaha. thn we ordered what we wanted. haha. dearr shared her waffle with kengkai, cause i didnt like tiramisu. (x hahahaha, oopps! :D sorry! i shared my waffle with jieren. ROFL! yupp, as always, i didnt finish my waffles. hahaha. left a lil and we didnt wanna eat any longer. we were satisfied and thn we left. we walked ovr to suntec. oh my gwad, we literally rot there? hahahha. okayyyyy, kengkai and jieren wanted to play at the arcade, so we went along with them. haha. watched them play their game and we saw jeffrey, eugene and leon. oh my gwad, they are at the same spot, AGAIN! doing the same thing. hahahaha. okayy. so dearr accompanied kengkai so i accompanied jieren. ROFL! watched them play and thn we left the arcade aft no tokens were left. dearr was damn funny. she asked kengkai to get her chip and dale. damn funny. i wanted chip i think. the darker one, ROFL! :D jieren said he'll have to bring all his money at home before he could get a toy. ROFL! :D damn funny luhs! we left the arcade aft no tokens were left. we walked arnd again and our legs were breaking. we went to get drink at carrefour. jieren suggested the waterfall but we walked pass it. ROFL! :D so kengkai was ranting abt the convention center and wanted to go ovr. so we decided, why not? we were freaking tired we could kill. hhahahaha. our legs were all breaking. and there was nth to do at the convention center. oh my gwad, we wanted to kill kengkai cause we were TIRED! nxt destination was marina square. we were looking for seats desprately. ROFL! :D we saw the performance while was like, OH MY GWAD. ROFL! :D we continued looking for a seat and we finally found one. we sat there for abt an hr? trying to be idiots of the century. :D okayy, thn we walked on because it became super boring. kengkai and jieren felt high all of a sudden and wanted static. CRAZY! :D whn they calmed down, we took another 5-10mins deciding what we want for dinner. oh my gwad. ROFL! :D we decided on macs because the guys ever gt scammed at the food court. WTH! marina square is the place where scammers unite luhs. dearr and i went to order first. we ordered nugget meal but the person ordered individual for us. like wtf? i paid $5.40. asshole! dearr paid $6.65. wtf? SCAMMED! jieren and kengkai were laughing at us. dangg dangg dangg. they upsized their student meal which they paid wayyy lesser. ): but the had much more. we shared fries. yes, dearr with kengkai and me with jieren. aft dinner, we left. it was like 9pm plus? yupppppp, dearr's family was calling and calling. we took the mrt home thn. oh my gwad, no place to sit. ): kengkai was soooo mean. he alighted first and tried to make us jealous that he'll be hm first. ROFL! but we didnt really bother. hahahaha. so he alighted and i took his seat. haha. (x thanks? i alighted at jurong east thansk to my last min family who called and asked me to buy bread. wth? okayyy, i knew bukit batok wouldnt have any shops open cause they close freaking early and it was alrdy 10pm? so dearr suggested i alight at jurong east. she asked jieren to accompany me to the bus stop aft buying bread. ROFL! :D so we hurried to buy the bread. wth, last big loaf. (: i'm lucky. hahahahaha. aft paying, jieren walked me to the bus stop and waited with me for the bus. (: THANK YOU JIEREN! (: i boarded the bus and thn he left. i was soooo tired, my legs were like breaking. went home and crashed, literally? haha. i couldnt sleep till 1am though. i went to sleep at 11pm plus? oh my gwad, i was tossing and turning. my knee was crying but i couldnt do much. ): okayyyyy, everything's alright nw. i had my funn and its time i stay home. BOOOHOOOHOOO. ): kerby's in malaysia alrdy. the train took 123498875643 centuries to reach malaysia. ROFL! :D HAVE FUN BROTHER! :D i'll miss you. okayyyyy, nanny gt to do her hand op in a while. i gt to go with her. ILOVEYOUNANNY! (: everything's gonna be alright. okayyyyyyy, thats all. i had a splendid day ytd and i look forward to going out again. :D I HAVE THE BIGGEST BEARR! :D :D :D thank you for ytd people. i had hell loads of funn. (: JIEREN, hope you're feeling better. (: silly will be home tmr! :D voda will be hm soon! :D yayness! looking forward. double tuition tmr. oh my gwad. for money! :x okayyyyy. TOODLES! :D ONE IN A MILLION. i'll be the galaxy and your dream come true. Love, MARTHA! :D i knw my dreams would take me there. if i had a chance, i would make the world revolve arnd us so that we can learn to love and appreciate. in life, we learn to cherish and seek a brighgter tmr. our dreams would become reality if we were willing to try harder. |
♥  MARTHA KATHLEEN CLARE SOH RUILING! Bestf! ♥ Fareen Yeo ♥ Partner-in-Crime ♥ February ♥ Jung Yonghwa 정용화 ♥ CNBLUE! 씨엔블루 ♥ Tiffany Hwang 티파니 ♥ Reminisce,
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Applause, |
| Everything you want, is on the other side of fear. | |
